Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Snowy, Snowy, Snowy Tuesday

Good snowy Tuesday my friends. It snowed all day Monday and as I get up this morning it's still snowing but not as much. Every morning it seems that I have a stuffy nose but as the progresses on the stuffyness disappears. I wonder why? Yesterday I began packing my bag for my cruise. Yes, 14 days ahead. There is still more to pack but I'll wait until later. Aren't silly but that is me.
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A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"  



A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!" 


Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." Doris asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Fascinated, Doris says, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it sure worked for your ass!"  



A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!" 



While on a date a women goes to the bathroom

Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room

Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!

Man: It's not a big deal.

Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.

Man: ...............  


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That's about from me today. Soon I'll be writing again.


                                   " SEE YA "

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                             " Cruisin Paul "

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Warm Up & After 12 Inches Of Snow

Good morning friends. After a messy time it has armed up and the snow is melting, not much but a little. BUT, on Friday we are suppose to  receive a wallop of snow. They say around 12 inches. I have 19 days still to wait for my cruise.
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Alexandra was walking along a Boulevard, involved in a prayer. He asked God for one wish. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Italy, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
God was in awkward situation. God said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. All the technology needed to reach the bottom of the ocean! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Think for sometime and ask another wish."
Alexandra thought for a while and then said, "God, I have been married and divorced three times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. Here is my wish: I would like to know how to make an Italian woman happy."
The God went in heavy thought mode, and said, "OK, son, you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"




Emma, who was on a sinking ship, was thinking, ?I?m too young to die.? Then, she yelled at the people around, ?Well, if I?m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this ship who can make me feel like a woman??
For a moment, there was silence.. No response came for a while.
Then an Italian man stood up. He was gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He started to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt?..one button at a time. ??No one moved. ??He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. ?..
She gasps???..
He whispers: ??.
?Iron this, and get me something to eat?.?  


Three friends, an architect, an artist and an Italian engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with your wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The Italian engineer said, "I likea both."
"Both?" But, how? Asked other two.
Engineer: "If you have a wife and a mistress, both of them assume you are spending time with the other woman. You can go to the lab and get some work done." 



Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."
When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did The interview go?" He replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"


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 Well that's about it for today. Enjoy the day.


                                  " SEE YA "
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                            " Cruisin Paul "

                                  

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Wednesday Frozen

Good morning my friends. Now that all the Christmas ornaments and trees are put away, we can begin anew with 2018. In 26 days we'll be on the Celebrity Reflection heading out the Caribbean. The second day of the new year, 2018, I received a phone call from my travel agent, Nancy asking me if my wife & would like to be added to her cruise next year, 2019. Wow! We said yes and my friends, we have already arranged the 2019  10 day cruise to the Southern Caribbean cruise. Amazing. I'm so excited. Nancy included us with her and her friends.
2018 sure has begin with a bang,

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New Year's Day Party - That Never Was?

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.
Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.' 


A Bad Dream?

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package.  Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.



"The Old Days"
Grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy.
"In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm."
The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, "Granddad, I wish I'd gotten to know you a lot sooner!"



"Hearing Better Now"

An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength.
After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was.
The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.”
“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”



"Hospital Regulations"

Hospital rules state that patients checking out must have a wheelchair.
One day a newly graduated nurse assistant came into the room to find an elderly man fully dressed. He was sitting on the bedside chair, with a piece of packed luggage at his side, all ready to go.
When he was shown the wheelchair, he was adamant that he was fully capable of walking himself to the parking lot.
But the assistant told him rules were rules, so he relented and let her wheel him out.
In the elevator, the assistant asked the elderly man if his wife was coming to meet him.
“I don’t think so,” he replied. “It takes her awhile to change her clothes, so she’s probably still upstairs in the bathroom taking off of her hospital gown and getting dressed.”




Pick a Husband, Any Husband

As the hostess at the casino 
buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my 
husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly …”
She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”


A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks andim on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."



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Well, I hope this helps the introduction of 2018 everyone. I hope that you all enjoy your year. 

 
                             " SEE YA "


                          " Cruisin Paul "

Friday, December 22, 2017

TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS







                     MERRY CHRISTMAS
   
                                 FROM

                         CRUISIN PAUL