Monday, August 7, 2017

Cloudy Monday

Good, good, good Monday morning everyone my friends. Well this is ging to be an interesting week. As I've already said, I leave by train to Toronto to have some tests done on me. I'll be back on Friday and then on Saturday my wife & I go to Sarnia for her family reunion. We'll stay over night and come back on Sunday. What a week. So I won't be able to read any of your wonderful blogs until I remain. 

                          -----------------------









An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian
produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees
to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this
Transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"


The Italian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"



The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage.
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands,'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary !'
The priest responded,'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here ! Please tell us now what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary ?'
Giuseppe proudly replied, "I gonna go pick her up "


The proper way to putt...

This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball. The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole". The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke. The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out"!

The Funeral

A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything."

The Prayer

Did you hear about the 21 year old Italian girl who knelt in front of the statue of Madonna? She said: "You who conceived without sin, let me sin without conceiving!"

How to Impress an Italian Lady:

Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, suprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her... How to Impress an Italian Man: Show up naked, Bring Beer.


An Italian man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely Italian women. He gives each Italian woman a present of $500 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The Italian man was very impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the Italian man gifts. She gets him a new Italian suit, some new shoes for his Italian suit, and an expensive Italian tie. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the Italian man is impressed.

The third Italian woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $500. She gives him back his $500 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the Italian man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.



A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"



An old Italian man was dying, so he called his grandson to his bedside: “Guido, I wan’ you to lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns... How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business. You gonna have a beautiful wife. Lotsa money. A big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘Times up!’"?


              --------------------------------------

Enjoy, enjpy the Italian jokes because I enjoy an Italian joke. Why? Because I'm and Italian. Arrivederci!


                             " SEE YA "  


                            " Cruisin Paul " 

8 comments:

  1. Hope your tests bring good news. Also hope you have fun at the reunion. You're right---what a week you have ahead of you!

    Love the Italian jokes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jean. I'll let you know how things work out.

      Delete
  2. I too hope your tests are good. Please let us know.

    I love all the jokes and I linked this post to Silly Sunday.

    Enjoy your week off from blogging. We'll see you when you get home. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you my friend. See you when I get back.

      Delete
  3. Praying your tests turn up nothing important and thank you so much for the laughs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a good idea. I wish I could park my car in the city for that paltry amount.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Looking forward to receive good news from the test. Hope you have a great reunion and enjoy your Italian jokes. Have a beautiful day!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hope your tests are all good Pauleo and also have a nice time in Sarnia :-)

    LOL @ the Italian jokes

    Look forward to seeing you back next week have a good rest Pauleo if you can :-)

    Bye for now best wishes

    Steve

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting!