Saturday, September 23, 2017

Hot, Hot Autumn Saturday


A good morning everyone. I can't believe the temperature we are getting at the end of September. Yesterday it was in the 90's, yes the 90's and it won't cool down until Thursday. 
On Wednesday my beautiful tree in the backyard will be coming down. Unfortunately I was told that trees like mine have a disease and I will have to have it 
 taken down. It's only 25 years old and it was so beautiful. It gave us tremendous shade over our deck but no more.

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Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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baby,boy

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

 


baby,girl
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.
 
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A man was walking down the street when he saw a woman with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts he'd ever seen.

He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.

The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.

The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.

They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.

The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"

The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
 
 

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

Yes, your bladder

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A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".

Again, there's a bright flash ... and then his legs fall off!




 

                                                                    Smart Dad

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Well that's about it from me today. Enjoy the day my friends.

                                     " SEE YA "
                                 ------------------


                            " Cruisin Paul "

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Beautiful Saturday

Good morning, good morning everyone. This a beautiful , Saturday morning here in Amherstburg, Ontario, Canada. Today we have Emily & Cole, our grandchildren. Their parents are going out to celebrate their mother's birthday. I'm still watching what has happened in the island after Hurricane Irma. Barbuda is a dead island. There are no people on the island. The hurricane destroyed the entire island. St. Maarten will take a long time to eventually return to normal. I love that island and Grand Turk, my special location ( 5 times I've been there ). It wasn't hurt that much but it still was affected. St. Thomas another beautiful location I've been there, was affected badly.
I just hope that the Caribbean doesn't have anymore hurricanes.
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A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and his redhead wife goes with him.
After the checkup, the doctor calls the wife into his office without her husband.
He says to her, "I'm sorry to tell you this but your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, along with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will soon die:
Every morning, make him a healthy breakfast.
Always be pleasant towards him, and make sure he's in a good mood.
For lunch make him a nice, nutritious meal. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Make sure you don't burden him with chores. And don't discuss your problems with him, because it'll only make his stress even worse.
And most importantly. make love with your husband every night and you must satisfy his every whim.
If you can do this for the next year, I think your husband will get better and regain his health."
After this, the redhead leaves the doctor's office and walks out of the building with her husband.
As they do so, the guy asks his wife. "So what did the doctor say to you?"
The redhead replies, "You're going to die."


A young man was due to get married to a redhead and the night before the wedding he asked his Dad for some marital advice.
His Dad said to him, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family."
The next evening, after the wedding, the newly-wed couple were in the honeymoon suite.
The husband threw his pants to his new bride and said, "Here put these on."
She did as he said, but after doing so said, "I don't fit into these."
The husband said, "That's right! And don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"
After he said this, the redhead took off her panties and tossed them at him, saying "Try these on."
He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!"
The redhead said, "That's right. And you won't until your attitude changes!"



A ginger guy finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out.
The genie is a bit fed up but says, "Okay, you can have one wish. What do you want?"
The ginger says, "I want a huge mansion with a thousand rooms and a hundred floors, all made of pure gold."
The genie looks at him and says, "Don't be an idiot! Do you have any idea how much gold that would take? That's impossible. You'll have to pick something else."
So the ginger says, "Okay, I want everyone to stop laughing at me because of my hair color."
The genie says "So this mansion... Do you want ensuite bathrooms?" 



Q: What do you call a redhead walking between two blondes?
A: An interpreter.

Q: Do you know why Blondes have more fun?
A: Because there is not enough Red Heads around.


Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds.

Q. What do you call a redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal.

Q. What do redheads make for dinner?
A. Reservations.

Q. Why do guys date blondes?
A. All the redheads are taken.





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Well that's about it for today. It's time to watch some golf. Enjoy your day my friends.

                                  " SEE YA "

                    ---------------------------------


                             " Cruisin Paul "

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Tuesday After Hurricane Irma


Good morning everyone. Wow, it was crazy with Hurricane Irma. Four beautiful islands that I have cruised many times , St. Maarten, St. Thomas , St. Kitts and Grand Turk were affected badly by this hurricane. I feel so bad for these people.  The state of Florida took the brunt of the entire hurricane especially the Keys but the state didn't take what the island did. I look at how lucky I am to live where I am. I hope that all these places get back to normalacy as soon as they can. 
I hope that some of these comical jokes will help you enjoy over all of this negative life we've had last week.

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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."


A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”



Little Johnny came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, “Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?” His father, thinking quickly, said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.” “Gee Dad, that’s great,” said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom today!” “What do you mean?” asked his father. “Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, ‘Jesus, I’m coming! I’m coming!’ If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down, we’d have lost her for sure!”


A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"



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I'm sorry if some of the language might be rough. I tried to ease it as best I could so I apologize for the language but heck, it was funny.
You might have seen my car before, my bumble bee, with me sitting in my car.

Well my son - in - law brought his dream car just like I did but his wasn't a Camero like me. His dream car was this car.

 A Corvette. WOW!!!!! I'm not going to race him. I went for a ride with him and this beautiful car is, well as I say, Zoom, Zoom!

Have a beautiful day my friends.


                                 " SEE YA "


                            " Cruisin Paul "

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Wednesday, Away From Any Hurricane

Good morning friends from all over the world. Silly me, from all over the world. I was I did have friends from all over the world but I'm very happy having those of you that do read this crazy blog. Good morning, good morning. 
Isn't it crazy about all of these vicious hurricanes. I worry about all of those people and their homes and their lives. God be with them.
This weekend my granddaughter Emily rode in many horse showa and she did very well. Here is a photo of her after she received her ribbons on the first day called Equestrian Riding.
She won 2 firsts, a third and fourth and won overall ride. The second day she won a first and fourth. Congratulations Emily. This is a very proud grandfather.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100

steps, each containing a joke. The trick is that they must not laugh.


makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.

Finally, it’s the blondes turn. She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs. God asks her,

“You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”



A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.
“$200” – he replied.
“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!” – he yelled.
“Fine. I will.” – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”



A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.




One day a blonde felt like being a rebel, so she decided that she would drink and drive.
She found a cop car in the parking lot of a donut shop, so she started to drive around, circling the cop car.
After about 10 minutes of driving round and round she got fed up, so she parked the car, got out and walked over to the cop car, looked at the cop and said, “Aren’t you going to arrest me?”
The cop asked, “why?”
She replied, “Cause I was drinking and driving!”
The cop looked at her in bewilderment and answered, “We can’t arrest you if you’re driving while drinking… water!”

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A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
 



The blonde sat down ready to take her math exam. She knew she would cheat since she had the smartest kid in her grade sitting beside her. She copied his whole test page by page. Feeling confident in her answers she gets up and gives her paper to the teacher.
She stands there waiting for the teacher to respond in amazment. The teacher went through the test and said, “I know you cheated. You copied Jim’s paper including his name.”
 
 
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That's it for today. I have to go now because my printer is out of color and my daughter needs something for her. She has informed me that I better get it as soon as possible. Ohhhhh, I'm scared. Ha,ha,ha. 
 
                             " SEE YA "
 
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                     " Cruisin Paul "