Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Brilliant Wednesday Morning

Good morning friends. I love this lovely sun early in the morning while on the water. Isn't it beautiful? 
Well it's going to happen. I mean on Friday I'm going golfing with Gerry. Gerry asked me to go out to golf but I asked him that his doctor hadn't allowed him for at least 2 more months. I love the guy. He's just taking me out and as he said, he'll be my caddy and each time we get on the green he'll still be able to putt. I'm excited. 
I don't want to get to political but I thank God I live in a country, Canada that guns are at least controlled. No don't get me wrong. Canada still has guns and people are killed but I was so upset with what occurred in Texas. Here we go again and just after what took place in Florida. It's amazing just watching the same politician, saying the same words but the same results. It's a shame that parents still have to go 10 funerals. OK, that's all I'll say about it.
I've had two BBQ's, one with steaks and the second one with hamburgers and they were delicious. Let's see. what can I BBQ next? I know, RIBS.

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Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T."

She continued, "There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy," replied the grandson, "but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

To which she answered, "You're coming empty handed?"


An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You`ve got so many freckles, there`s no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child`s cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."The boy looked up, "Really?""Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that`s prettier than freckles."The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma`s face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."



Gassy Granny

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."



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Have a wonderful day everyone. Please smile & be happy each day. I am and I'm proud to be alive. 


                                  " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul
 

Thursday, May 17, 2018

A Beautiful Sunshine Thursday

Goooooood morning all my wonderful friends. Yes, it's BBQ time. It was amazing that last year, I didn't BBQ at all. In fact it was a year and a half. This week I've been cleaning my BBQ and my goodness how dirty it was. I need to just clean the outside of the machine today and tomorrow, I informed my wife that we will be having a BBQ something for dinner. I might even go down town to get some steaks. You, my friends. do you enjoy BBQing and are steaks your food to BBQ? 
My friend Al was over last night. I almost got angry with his wife. She made him walk from his house to my place. Al as you know has Parkinson's and by the time he got to my home he was shaking badly both hands, arms and legs. After he came down stairs to play pool, I had to have him relax a little before we begin the game. Now remember, he walked here and still has to walk home. The poor guy. I don't know why she forces him to walk long periods of time. Little walks are OK but to walk to my place its long. She thinks she's doing him a good job. I'm worried about my friend. Maybe I should just shut up.
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Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter, who had red hair. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law, and changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy, I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter. Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild. For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!



Dropping a Bomb

A dentist, a nurse, and an army general are flying. The dentist decides to drop a tooth brush out of the plane. The nurse drops down a medical kit and the army general drops a bomb. They land the airplane and see what happened... First they found a guy looking for his false teeth. Next they found a guy bandaging his wounds. Lastly they found a young boy laughing his head off. They asked him what happened and he said, "My grandfather farted and blew up his house."'




A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope." Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?" Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

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Well it's time to get outside cleaning up my BBQ. Mary Lou has gone downtown to buy me a small brush. I guess when I decide that I want to do some work, she will always help me to work around the house. I wonder why? 

 

                                " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul


Friday, May 11, 2018

It's A Cool Friday

Good morning my good friends. I haven't had the opportunity to get out on the golf course yet. I'll have to call up my friends Brian or Ron to see if we can get out soon. I went to my dentist yesterday, well my real dentist has retired and my new dentist is a Ms Chavin. She said that overall my teeth are OK but one of my teeth has to be fixed. So on May 29th I'll be back in the chair again.
Wednesday Al came over to play some pool. He's having some problems right now with his Parkinson's along with his thinking. Our pool games are now taking a great deal of time to complete. It's tough to see a good friend go down so quickly in health. 

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Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St.
Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.
The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room.
We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one.
I think I deserve to go to heaven." St.
Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room.
It's a very high stress environment and we do our best.
Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St.
Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO." St.
Peter looks at her file.
He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file.
After a few minutes St.
Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations!
You've been admi tted to heaven ...
for five days!"




Harry was in the hospital.
He was an old man.
From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?" Well, this is a story of revenge.
Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand.
He had been given a urine bottle to fill.
The juice was apple juice.
You know where the juice went.
The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time." 

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                                   " SEE YA " 
                            ---------------------

 Cruisin Paul
 

Saturday, May 5, 2018

Blowing Wind Firday, Sunny Calm Saturday

Good Saturday morning friends. Yesterday was an interesting one with 40 to 50 mph winds. Gerry & I went to Golftown. I needed to buy a few things that I needed and when we left the building I almost got blown off the sidewalk. Thank goodness my car was right there but Gerry had to help me to get into my car. After he and I went to Riccardo's Italian Eatery in Amherstburg for lunch. That was difficult to get to because Riccardo's is right near the river. He & I enjoyed our lunch and after I brought my friend home and I stayed there until now.
Today is much better and after I'm finished with my blog, I heading off to hit some golf balls.
                 
                                       Oops!
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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh - My - God."

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Extra Effort Award

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 a.m.
I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "THAT AREA" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"
I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied."NO, I NEED THE ONE THAT WAS HERE BY THE SINK, IT HAD ALL MY GLITTER & SPARKLES SAVED INSIDE IT"

                    
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                                   " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul
 
 

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Warm Spring Wednesday

Good morning all of my friends out there in bloggers land.  See the photo above. I wish I had a golf green just like this one. If you'll notice that this person lives on a golf course. How I know? On the right you'll see the golf cart path. Don't forget I live on a golf course.
I had planned to hit some balls yesterday but my back wouldn't allow it. Today my back is better and after writing this blog, I'll be getting out hitting some golf balls. Horray!

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How Well Does Coldwater Clean?

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the USA. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather... "are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied... "those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks... so he asked again... "are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says... "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore I'm getting tired of all this questioning!" Later that afternoon, he decided to go into a nearby town to get some descent food to eat. As he was leaving, his Grandfather's dog lay across the doorway to the outside and it started to growl and would not let him pass... "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, Grandfather shouted, "COLDWATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY." 

                     ----------------------------


Did God Make You?

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa. "Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl. "Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

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                                " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Saturday, April 28, 2018

It's Getting Better Spring Is Here Finally.

Good Saturday morning everyone. Well April is just about finished and all the things  that I needed to complete to have done are completed. Yesterday was my last golf lesson and I have to say, I have learned a great deal even though there were so many things that he showed us. Thank goodness the golf pro gave us a sheet that we did during the class. I'm waiting for the last one that will include a video of my first & last class  of me swinging the ball. Now that should something. LOL. Next week I plan to hit some balls to practice some of the things he taught me.  My friend told me that when I'm ready, he'll take me over at Pointe West Golf Course. 


                  Hopefully, not like this.
                       -----------------------







3 Nurses and a Wish

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.
"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."

                                    ---------------------------------------------------------------

A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex. Afterward, the man says, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?" "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says. "That makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man. The woman replies, "Because I didn't feel a thing."


                            -----------------------------------------------------

Well that's about it for now. I'm leaving to go grocery shopping at the Italian grocery store. You may ask , " isn't the grocery store the same as a regular grocery store?". No, they talk in Italian. Ha,ha,ha.

                      ----------------------------




                                                               " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Tuesday Doctor

I just got back from the doctor's. I nurse weighed me in. Thank goodness. I was down two lbs. Then she checked my blood pressure but before I went I checked my own blood pressure and twice it showed 140 over 75. After she checked it was 190 over 80. My doctore said that everbody's pressure is crazy because every time they come to the doctor, it is sky high. He checked me and except for  my weight, I was good. I decided to have a shingles shot ( In June I take the second shot ), sheet for all the blood tests, and I had to have my ears cleaned. That's why my wife kept telling me that I was putting the TV on to high. The doctor also informed me that next year I have to have a colonoscopy. Heck I knew that even before I went there. After the blood tests results, he wants to see me and discuss with them. As of now, everything seems to be OK.



I put this on the blog because in reality when the lady took the blood I can never look at. Even this makes me oozy.

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Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"


BloodTest


Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
The other guy asked, “Why are you crying?”
The first one replied, “I came here for blood test.”
The second one asked, “So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?”
The first guy replied, “No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger.”
Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, “Why are you crying?”
Then the second guy replied, “I’m here for a urine test.”


Drunken Excuses


There was a cop that had pulled a man over when he appeared to be drinking and driving. The cop told him that he was going to have to take a breathalyzer test and the man replied “I can’t do that, I have asthma and can’t hardly breath anyway.
The cop said “Well, I guess we will have to go down to the station and get some blood drawn”.
The man said “No, I can’t do that, I am anemia and have to have a blood transfusion every week”.
The cop said “Well sir, you need to step out of the car and walk this white line.”
The man said “I can’t do that, I’m too drunk to stand up.”

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That's it for now my friends. When do you have to visit your doctor for a check up? 

                                  " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul